Real Life, Part 1: Lazy Eye

This series consists of a somewhat fictionalized account of things that probably actually happened but maybe not in this order, with a few identifying and temporal details altered.

It’s a beautiful sunny day. It feels like September, but it’s almost December. I may have just gotten kicked in the face by life, but I don’t really care, I can handle it. In fact, I’m feeling better every minute, and just the experience of noticeably progressing from depressed to joyful makes me a little giddy. I almost start skipping right there on the Korzo, but don’t. That’s not really like me. When I was younger I actually believed I could skip faster than I could run, and skipping always felt like I was flying.

I get to the café and sit down at the table with my friend. The seating is a little awkward and I’m sort of on the corner.
“Have you heard the story about sitting at the corner of the table?”
“Uh, no…”
“It means you’ll never get married.”
I laugh lightly and shift my chair. Inside I think, Awesome, thanks for that.

We start talking about Christmas decorations and traveling and whether or not I’ll move here permanently. I glance down at the table and notice her keychain. There’s a little attachment, sort of transparent and jelly-like, with rhinestone eyes and a little tail… Is that a ghost? Oh. No. No, wait. Yes. That is definitely a sperm cell. I jerk my head up, afraid my distraction was noticeable. It seems it wasn’t, and conversation continues.

She shows me a picture of Josh Hartnett taped in her notebook, and earnestly sermonizes me on his finer qualities. I don’t really agree, but politely nod along. This example of the mystery of human attraction reminds me of the grocery store clerk I stalked for about 5 years. So I tell her about Hans and how to this day I consider him to probably be the most physically attractive person in existence (and he is so smart, too) - even though I think he does drugs and my family swears he has a lazy eye. But when it’s love, it’s love, right? No? You don't agree? Whatever. I don’t care what you think.

To Be Continued…

More Good Stuff

[Big sigh of relief]
Tonight we had a big event we've been working on for a while, and it went pretty well!

We were so excited to see how God provided everything we needed, including a location, technological know-how (Jason, one of the visitors here last week, helped us get everything figured out), equipment, translation, volunteers, attendees, and many other things. It was so cool to see everything come together, and about 36 students came (plus us), which was perfect for the size of the café/pub that we were in. Now we're tired, but happy.

Tomorrow we've set aside most of the day to rest and personally connect with and enjoy God, and tomorrow night we'll celebrate Allison's birthday. Good times.

The last week or so has been sort of tough, but tonight was such a cool reminder of what really matters and how great the God I serve is. I was nervous because it was my job to talk about some of my own story, and what Christ has done in my life, and how I think the gospel actually matters and relates to us today in the midst of both small personal issues and major global problems. It seemed like too much to try to tie together, but somehow God helped it to come out and it was so cool to see students get excited and share ideas and engage in conversation about real things that truly matter.

Great news!

Taylor and I got a call yesterday from Zoran who heard from MUP that we were approved for our visas! Yay! There are a few more things we have to do (of course) but we should be home free, at least until March when we're supposed to re-apply...
At any rate, we're happy for now.

Two down, four to go!

Obligatory post.

I'll be glad when November is over and I won't have any commitment to hold to when I don't feel like blogging.

A few items of note:

-Sunny has a sty in her eye.

-Our apartment is really, really dirty right now. Normally we have cleaning parties on Monday nights, but tonight we had some much needed girl time and just talked and caught up with one another. Even though we technically live together, it's hard to connect all at once when things are so busy.

-Today I got to talk to my best friend on the phone! Due to complicated phone arrangements, we haven't gotten to speak to each other in 3 months and I miss her so much. It was really wonderful to be able to encourage one another at a time when we both really need it.

-Tonight I went to an art class with one of my friends here. It was SO fun! I think Sunny might start going, too.

That's it.

Okay, more than a little bummed out…

Shortly after I posted that last entry, I had a couple of really difficult conversations that left me feeling pretty much pummeled emotionally.

I’ve heard this analogy before that we are like grapes and God ‘squeezes’ us with various challenging or painful circumstances, and when we are pressed, wine comes out. Basically the idea is that it’s all for the best and we should aim to allow good things to come out of us when we’re feeling crushed.

But that doesn’t feel true right now. Everything seems more literal to me. I feel like I’m getting squashed, but I’m not a cute, sweet little grape. I am a person. And when people get squashed, it is pretty gross. Grape juice doesn’t come out. Instead, it’s bones, bile, blood, guts, snot, tears, saliva… all kinds of unpleasant things. And not in the nice, predictable and steady stream that comes to mind when I think of wine being poured out. No. Things come out in ugly, shocking bursts and squirts, with tearing, popping and groaning.

A few weeks ago I felt like things were going pretty well overall in most areas of life, and the things that were challenging me were subtle, long-term type things. There was no real drama or distress or anything unexpected.

Now I feel plunged into the midst of some chaotic and confusing battle, and don’t quite feel ready for it. But there’s no time for feeling unprepared, because I’m here and can’t help it.

I just finished a book by G.K. Chesterton. It was beautiful and wonderful in many ways, but I'll just share two short excerpts:

1) A direct quote:
"Cold pheasant is a good thing," said Syme reflectively, "and Burgundy is a spanking good thing..."

I really love the word spank, used in various forms as an adjective or expletive. In fact, everything I feel about the last week could probably be summed up (with the right tone, posture, and facial expression, of course) by simply saying, 'Spank.'

2) There are a lot of plot twists in the story, and people you thought were good/bad turn out to be the opposite, etc. and there is a scene where the main characters are basically questioning and responding to the 'God' character after everything has been revealed.

Here are the last few responses:

Bull said, "I understand nothing, but I am happy. In fact, I am going to sleep."

"I am not happy," said the Professor with his head in his hands, "because I do not understand. You let me stray a little too near to hell."

And then Gogol said, with the absolute simplicity of a child-
"I wish I knew why I was hurt so much."

Maybe someday we will understand. Maybe we never will.

Feeling a little bummed out.

The last week or so has been pretty crazy. Thanksgiving was great, and it has been really fun to have Jason, Jesse, and Kyle here from WSU. The last few days have included much laughter, much cooking, more cleaning, and little bit of chaos, too :-).

During the last 5 days or so I have found out that two couples that I know and love were expecting babies! Then I found out that one couple lost their baby. I can't really imagine what that is like, but it breaks my heart to see people that I love go through something so painful.

We've also had some drama regarding our residency/visa situation here. On Monday it seemed like Taylor and I were the ones in jeopardy. Then on Wednesday things changed and Taylor and I were fine, but the other 4 teammates were in trouble. Now things are uncertain. There is a pretty decent possibility that John might need to leave Croatia for 3 months, and that is tough to swallow. Logically speaking, we know everything will be okay. Even if people have to leave, they'll probably get to come back, and of course God is always in control. But to be honest, this is no fun to think about and I am really hoping and praying that everyone will get to stay in Rijeka.

What I am most thankful for right now is that God is greater than sadness, death, loss, defeat, pain, loneliness, fear, separation, and uncertainty. In all of those things He has repeatedly shown Himself faithful, and has been my joy and hope. He is greater than those things, and He is Good, and He is There. Knowing that whatever comes next, He will indeed be There as He always is, even though I often forget, is enough. And I am grateful.

Dan zahvalnosti*

Well, it turned out that we had about 40 or so friends come last night, plus the 9 of us Americans. It was a really fun evening and the festivities lasted until around 1:30am. Today we've been taking it easy (sort of) and cooking some more for a low key, smaller scale repeat tonight.

*Thanks for the spelling tip, Zoran :-)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Here it's called 'Dan za Hvalnosti' and it was so nice out today!

In about an hour a bunch of students are coming over for pie and turkey, it should be fun, although we have no idea how many people will be here...

Last Week

Taylor's group at the English workshop






Sanja, Natasha, Sunny, and Maja hanging out at our girls movie night last Friday