30 November, 2006

Real Life, Part 1: Lazy Eye

This series consists of a somewhat fictionalized account of things that probably actually happened but maybe not in this order, with a few identifying and temporal details altered.

It’s a beautiful sunny day. It feels like September, but it’s almost December. I may have just gotten kicked in the face by life, but I don’t really care, I can handle it. In fact, I’m feeling better every minute, and just the experience of noticeably progressing from depressed to joyful makes me a little giddy. I almost start skipping right there on the Korzo, but don’t. That’s not really like me. When I was younger I actually believed I could skip faster than I could run, and skipping always felt like I was flying.

I get to the cafĂ© and sit down at the table with my friend. The seating is a little awkward and I’m sort of on the corner.
“Have you heard the story about sitting at the corner of the table?”
“Uh, no…”
“It means you’ll never get married.”
I laugh lightly and shift my chair. Inside I think, Awesome, thanks for that.

We start talking about Christmas decorations and traveling and whether or not I’ll move here permanently. I glance down at the table and notice her keychain. There’s a little attachment, sort of transparent and jelly-like, with rhinestone eyes and a little tail… Is that a ghost? Oh. No. No, wait. Yes. That is definitely a sperm cell. I jerk my head up, afraid my distraction was noticeable. It seems it wasn’t, and conversation continues.

She shows me a picture of Josh Hartnett taped in her notebook, and earnestly sermonizes me on his finer qualities. I don’t really agree, but politely nod along. This example of the mystery of human attraction reminds me of the grocery store clerk I stalked for about 5 years. So I tell her about Hans and how to this day I consider him to probably be the most physically attractive person in existence (and he is so smart, too) - even though I think he does drugs and my family swears he has a lazy eye. But when it’s love, it’s love, right? No? You don't agree? Whatever. I don’t care what you think.

To Be Continued…


Anonymous said...

Haha, wow, thanks Alexis. I don't feel like signing in so this won't appear as me.

Anonymous said...

only because people always tell me: "oh Alexis you'll get married! I don't see you as the type staying single their entire life!"

You can ask Andy who I am, and also ask him what's special about when we shared a room with Ryan at winter conference in Spokane.

'J and A Latvala said...

HANS!!! Ah! Now THAT is a blast from the past. I am so glad that we were friends during our "stalking" years. Good times. Good times.

Anonymous said...

HANS!!! Ah! Now THAT is a blasst from the past. The glory of actually carrying on a conversation under the guise of "helping" with Kesa in the deli...or was Hans the actual and total reason behind the "cookie missions" program?

Carolyn Culbertson said...

Alexis. All I have to say is I love to read what you wrote and if writing isn't part of what you do you will need to be spanked. Because you are a spanking good writer.

Anonymous said...

Alexis, as a close personal friend of Justin, all I can say is you probably don't want to hear ANY story involving both Justin AND Andy--just not a good idea...

Hope Croatia is going well... Saw Michelle at Jason's wedding last night--we both wished we were seeing one another in Croatia, but Oregon isn't so bad I suppose...

Take care!