24 January, 2006

Not worth it, or, freedom.

Last weekend I had some time to myself at home in Rijeka while Michelle and Taylor were in Zagreb with Pete, presumably painting the town red. I was really enjoying the space to think and the freedom to be completely selfish in planning my time. I could read, write letters, clean, listen to whatever loud music I wanted, take a long (i.e. more than 5 minutes of hot water) shower, drink coffee, walk around town, take pictures, etc. Around 10:00 pm I was sitting in a comfortable chair, knitting (which I had just learned to do that day, so it was new and exciting), listening to the loud British alternative rock band Bloc Party, and, quite frankly, subconsciously meditating on how very hip and unique the situation- but truthfully and more specifically I- was. And then God reminded me of something. He reminded me that I was indeed created by Him and for Him, and that He did indeed pay a very high price for my life, freedom, and salvation. And He reminded me that I am not worth it. That the fact that Christ’s life and death were the price paid did not mean that I was that valuable because of some quality of my own. But actually just the opposite, that God’s grace on a poor, self-absorbed wretch is infinitely valuable because of the quality of His righteousness, justice, and mercy. When you see and know the truth, it knocks you on your face, and then, the truth sets you free.

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