From now on...

...you can find me here.

Saying Goodbye

Sunny's mom, Sunny's aunt, Sunny, and John on the bus.









Sofi and Mirko after church on Sunday.














Last coffee with Vladimira.











Kami strikes a pose!





Playing in the fountain.



















Kami and Iva performed an unforgettable rendition of the Beatles' 'Yesterday' complete with heavy accents and extreme Balkan styling. I captured most of it on video but promised that I wouldn't make it public, so you'll just have to use your imagination...




Final goodbyes in the stairwell only a few hours before I left.

Camping on Cres

My last weekend in Rijeka, John, Zoran and I decided to go camping on the island of Cres. We took a ferry over to the island and as I was getting settled in my seat I noticed this set of emergency instructions in front of me - especially point #1...


When we got to the island we found out where the trail was and started walking. By the time we got out of the populated town area, it was dark. We wound our way through endless rock-walled sheep pens - we almost ran into a few sheep! - and eventually settled down in an empty rectangle a few hundred meters from the main path. It was beautiful! John set up his hammock, I stayed in a small tent, and Zoran took the ground. We could see so many stars, and it was easy to get a small fire going. In the morning we woke up to a strong breeze and a beautiful view of olive and fig trees, the ocean, and other islands.









Later in the afternoon we went swimming in beautiful crystal clear water before heading home. Other than an awkward walk through Naked Town (a nudist campground), it was one of the best places I've ever camped.

City Life

There are many pictures and stories from my time in Croatia that I never got around to posting on here, but I'm putting up some things from my last few weeks there as a kind of final wrap up session.

Here are a few random shots from around Rijeka:



Kosi Toranj, or, The Leaning Tower





The Korzo















A local sandwich shop.













A magenta scooter parked up the street from our apartment.








A random bird lady. Feed the birds, tuppence a bag...

A New Era

A few weeks ago when I was still in Croatia, John said something to the effect of, "It's the end of an era..." referring to our transition away from Rijeka and the changes that are taking place and will continue to.

This may or may not be the official farewell post on this particular record of events (the Croatia blog), but I'm starting fresh over here. There's still some work to be done, but I figured I'd start directing things over that way now, since, you know, I'm not adventuring in Croatia anymore.

Important Action Item, MUST READ!

Okay, many of you might already be aware of the phenomenon that is known as "John and Andy".
What you may not know is that there is an exciting new series up. Please, go check it out and definitely leave comments! Even single-worders like 'yes', 'no', 'huh?', 'tasty!', etc. would be appreciated.

Let the goodness begin!

Excess Baggage: $127.00

It’s pretty cool how 12,700 pennies can be carried around and exchanged quite conveniently using a thin slab of plastic and a piece of paper labeled "credit card receipt."
That’s efficiency right there. I have to say right up front that the rest of this post is just about emotional, touchy-feely stuff and the only part efficiency plays is within an abstract spiritual metaphor. And maybe the fact that I didn’t have to write this all out on paper by hand.

Taylor and I were talking last summer about the first year and speculating about the year ahead of us, and the differences between them, and the good things that we’d miss, and the unhealthy things that we wouldn’t. Looking concerned, she said something to the effect of, “Am I going to have this much baggage from every year of ministry? I’ve only gotten through one so far…”

It’s a frightening thought, but one that probably describes the truth more than I’d care to admit. Maybe that’s why I kept finding myself thinking of this year as some sort of final test. And why I didn’t feel comfortable making any long-term commitments or life plans but just wanted to focus on making it through the year. And why the first month or so I felt somewhat depressed and unable to convince myself to dive full-force into things that had already started, but would have rather gone someplace remote and uninhabited to hibernate for 2 or 4 or 7 weeks.

Looking back, I think the answer to Taylor’s worried question is, Yes, there’s always baggage. And my categorization of this year as a "final" test was wishful thinking. Probably more like a first mid-term, freshman year. Of high school. But I digress.

What is emotional baggage, anyway? Isn’t it just pain and suffering that is converted into scars and fears and habits of self-defense over time? This conversion process is like converting some set amount of value into, say, gold bars. Or bronze or lead, even. Gold bars are great, and you can’t deny that they add up to a lot of money. But they’re not the most convenient or logical way to carry currency. Even less so would be large chunks of non-precious metal. Similarly, our emotional baggage often comes from real and legitimate trauma or distress, and represents something significant (if unwieldy). In all of this, many wise people seem to think that there can be value in pain and suffering. We can learn things through pain, we can hardly avoid being changed by suffering, and hardship makes us stronger as we learn to face resistance. Pain, suffering, and hardship are often the most effective teachers of humility, integrity, endurance, perseverance, mercy, and compassion. I’m sure there are other benefits, too.

How can I take the bits of pain, suffering, and hardship that I have experienced (and will experience) in my lifetime and not allow the wounds and memories to scar and warp me into a hardened, fearful, small, closed, selfish person? How can the raw events and feelings be somehow transformed into value, growth, wisdom, and character? It probably has something to do with refinement, and sanctification, and redemption. I know it has everything to do with Christ and love, but how it all works is something of a mystery.

Pain and suffering hardly ever come from the mere act of “doing ministry,” whatever that means. They are facts of life, more specifically they are products of living life with other people. This has caused me to spend a lot of time thinking about relationships and people and what it means to love as Christ has called us to, but I still haven’t figured it out yet. Let me know if you have.

Only strong swimmers are allowed in the deep end.

Last summer was kind of an intense time for me. I was at home, trying to spend time with friends and family, raising financial support and preparing to return to Croatia, and working through some Life Issues. There was also some Boy Trouble, and at one point something in particular happened that made me very sad. At the exact time, I didn’t really even realize how I felt about it, but later in the day as I reflected, it sank in and did not feel good. At all. It sounds pretty childish to me, the whole “Waaah. I feel sad!” business. But that’s the only way to describe it, and I think sometimes the most honest human emotions can only be described in simple terms, even though they surely feel complex and run around in the deep end where simple words can’t touch.

Often I try to avoid these complicated, deep running emotions because they are inconvenient. Inconvenient and managed only with great effort. So on this particular day I prayed a lot and asked God to help me.

I didn’t say this to Him, but I thought,
“I don’t have time for this. I don’t have the energy to feel this way and try to do the things I need to do- it’s just too much.”

Simultaneously I prayed,
“Jesus, please grant me wisdom and patience and help me to find joy in You. Thank You for using this to turn me to You, please help me to glorify You in it.”

And though I wanted those things to be true, I also thought/whined,
“It just isn’t fair! I’m trying to obey You, I thought things would turn out differently, I hoped this would be a good, restful summer but instead I feel confused and tired and there’s not enough time. Couldn’t You just change my feelings and at least make me stop crying? I feel so retarded.”

And He waited patiently for me to finish, and stood kindly by while my logical streak took over and briskly scrolled through options, categories, possibilities, and plans of action that I could take to paint a nice layer of calm, collected control over the whole affair. Heh. Over-analyzing seems to be a common pastime of mine (I tend towards the ridiculous), but sometimes a simple question mark is just so much better than Excel spreadsheets and bullet-points.

Somehow, probably because He is God, He communicated to me that all of the rehashing and grasping for control was hogwash and what I really needed and wanted most was a hug (preferably from God Himself, though one from anyone would really do) and to be told with certainty that everything would be okay. And He said that it was good to cry, not just about this thing that made me sad and disappointed on this one day, but also because I felt tired and stressed and overwhelmed by life. And because it reminded me that I’m not as grown up or as strong as I pretend to be. And that is fine, because I’m not ultimately the one in charge.

Thankfully, I currently feel fairly content, and much less dramatic. But there are a lot of transitions coming up so there's really no way way to predict the circumstances I may face or my own unreliable emotional reactions in the near future. And unfortunately, this side of heaven there is no guarantee that everything will be okay. Things could get a whole lot worse tomorrow and continue on roly-poly, pell-mell, tumble-bumble down the hill of hard things to go through until I get to the green grass and it all stops short. But that’s alright because I know that the time will come soon when all of this is over and done and life, as it was intended before we broke the world, will begin.

Fire Will Test the Realness of Each Man’s Work

The 2-year mark is coming up quick, and has already hit in some respects. Two years on STINT. Two years living in Croatia. Two years since graduation. Two years spent trying to pioneer a ministry in Rijeka. Two years away from home. Two years figuring out that this is actually home now. Some of the most difficult, challenging years of my life. And some of the most rewarding.

In many ways, two years isn’t very long. When I think about most 2-year-olds I’ve known, terms like ‘mature’, ‘complete’, and ‘finished product’ never come to mind. The sophomore year in college, the second year of marriage, the second season of basketball… None of those are real milestones.

But that is all the time I was given here. And it was the time that I gave. Was the price too high? Was the return too little? Did it matter? And if it did, why? And to whom? Those answers will probably never be fully given and the relative costs and benefits simply can’t be measured. But I speculate anyway. I know I failed in many ways, and grew in many as well.

Sooner, more so than later, I will return home. To what and for what I don’t know so well anymore. I only pray that what I leave behind will have been built on Christ, and that it will have been done in such a way as to last.


Come Thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount, I’m fixed upon it
Mount of Thy unchanging love

Here I raise my Ebenezer
Hither by Thy help I’ve come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wand’ring from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood

Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be
Let that grace now like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above

Party of Five

Over the last few days it’s been Sunny, her mom, her aunt, John and myself hanging out in Rijeka. They explored the city a bit, we watched Little Miss Sunshine, and generally had a pretty good time. They all left today though, John for Sarajevo [he just can’t stay away from that place!] and the rest for home. On Sunday we went to a free jazz concert at the Trsat castle, which was pretty awesome.

In Which Taylor Gives Us All A Lesson In Leaving Town With Style

Like I mentioned before, Taylor flew home last Friday. There is a shuttle bus that leaves Rijeka every morning at 5:00am that goes straight to the airport in Zagreb. This was perfect because it got her there 2 hours before her flight, and it meant that we didn’t have to risk driving our ever-deteriorating car all the way there and back.

The shuttle pick-up spot is about a 15-minute walk from our apartment, but with three large bags we figured it would be better to drive. So, around 4:30 I left to go get the car. As I pulled up in front of our apartment, Taylor leaned in the passenger side window and said, “We’re locked out.”

I was slightly annoyed as my plan to quickly go back to bed slipped away. But it was an honest mistake, our building’s front door locks automatically and we were running on less than 2 hours of sleep. So I replied, “Don’t worry about it, let’s just get your bags in the car and get you to the shuttle and John and I can figure it out later.”

“Well, our apartment door is wide open, and one of my bags is still up there.”

Things were getting more complicated. Taylor and John started ringing the buzzers for every apartment in the building as Taylor pleaded into the intercom, “Please….so soooo sorry….locked out….need to get to the airport…” Either nobody heard or nobody cared because we were getting no love from the neighbors. John tried going around the back to our balcony but both of those doors were locked, too.

It was time to kick it up a notch and call our landlady, Branka. After waking her up and explaining the situation a few times, Taylor convinced her to call some neighbors. No answer. We decided to leave and make sure Taylor at least got on her flight and we would just deal with the luggage later, but we left John to keep trying the door.

Zoran met us at the station to say goodbye to Taylor, and after loading the bags she did have we had about 5 minutes to spare. Right about then, John called, “I broke in – come get me!”
I immediately jumped back in the Tiger Tank and headed back while Taylor and Zoran tried to stall the driver. Thankfully there was almost no traffic, because I was careening around corners and running red lights action-spy-thriller style. I saw John running up the street with a suitcase in tow and paused just long enough for him to jump in. We got there just in time and Tay was on her way, miraculously without any missing components.

John, Zoran and I needed to unwind a little so we went to the all-night café by the bus station for some tea and cocoa before getting some more sleep. John thought he had damaged the lock, but after further inspection we messed with it a little and got it working again.

The funniest thing about all of this was just how typical it felt. That’s just the way we roll, I guess. ☺

The Darjeeling Limited

From the fine people who brought you Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Wes Anderson's 'The Darjeeling Limited' is scheduled to arrive in select theaters on September 29th.

And I can guarantee that my brother and I will do everything in our power to get ourselves to one of those theaters to see it.

Current Status

John is back here in Rijeka, Allison is at home preparing to return in September, Sunny is traveling with her aunt and mother and will fly home next week, Taylor went home today, and Andy is at home in Oregon. Just so you know.

Logging Back In...

Some of you might have noticed that over the past 2 to 8 months, my posting frequency has dropped severely. The thing is, we’ve been such busy little bees over here in Tiger-Pirate Land that there just hasn’t been much time for blogging. Also, we’ve been gone a lot lately. In fact, out of the past 41 days, I’ve only been home for 10!

As it now stands, I have just a little over 2 weeks before my adventures in Croatia come to an end. So. Here’s the plan: in between packing and saying my goodbyes and getting tangled in red tape at MUP (the police/department of internal affairs) and cleaning the apartment and slacking off and watching movies and lounging by the sea, I will do my best to do some catching up and sharing of photos, anecdotes, deep thoughts, etc. for you to enjoy/endure at your leisure. Cheers!

Overheard

"The problem with learning English from role playing games is that I know what chain mail, banded mail, plated mail, king's mail, and scale mail are, but I don't know what a nozzle is..."

Adventures in Korea

“South Korea?!” you ask. Yep, that’s where we were. CM2007 was a global missions conference 4 years in the making, hosted by South Koreans. They generously provided all in-country transportation, housing, and food for everyone who came – no small feat! There were about 9,000 Koreans and about 7,000 international attendees (mainly student leaders and CCC staff) from over 120 countries around the world.

We brought 5 students from Rijeka, and it was quite a week. Cross cultural experiences abounded as we made many new friends, ate loads of kimchi and rice, got soaked by the monsoon season rain, explored the open markets, tried to decipher the intense recycling protocol, crammed into the subway morning and evening, and attempted (poorly) to master a few basic language points – ‘hello,’ ‘thank you’… yeah, just those two I guess.

The conference was held in Busan, at the Busan Exposition & Conference Center (BEXCO). I very much enjoyed this description I found on the BEXCO website: BEXCO is a high-tech structure designed after a sea gull soaring to the Pacific Ocean, combined with a cruise ship.

The week as a whole was probably best documented by Matt here. Whatever you do, don’t miss the CM 2007 dance break footage…

Sentimentality

We had our end of the year party tonight, and John came back to join us! He's still not quite allowed to stay in Croatia, so we are headed to Slovenia tomorrow morning to spend a few days debriefing as a team. Then we'll be back in Rijeka for less than 24 hours before driving to Zagreb to catch our flight to South Korea for CM2007. More on that later...

While you wait, though, this is the slideshow we watched tonight:

Just Another Ordinary Day

Events of today:

~Three failed garbage bags: all in a row! Explosions of fermented Mexican food from the fiesta on Wednesday- one in our apartment, two in the entryway. I think it was a faulty batch of bags.

~Two soon-to-be-priests stopped by unexpectedly during our morning team prayer meeting. Here's how it went down:

Downstairs buzzer rings. [This was the 4th ring of the morning.]

Taylor answers.

Taylor says, "It's Tomislav and Dario - the PRIESTS. They're coming up!"

Sunny, Allison, and I (pajama-clad) fly into our rooms and throw on clothes as if our lives depend on it.

I skid into the kitchen just as they walk in the door, Al and Sunny follow soon after.

They are here to drop off some gifts for summer projecters and us (so nice) and we make awkward small talk for 10 or 15 minutes. We sense that they really want us to invite them to stay and pray with us, they sense that we just got dressed and aren't really ready for company. They leave.

~One spontaneous combustion. Yes, that's right. Less than an hour ago, Sunny's computer burst into flame for no apparent reason.


Thank you for reading, ladies and gentlemen. This is our life.

The End Of The World As We Knew It

Andy was just here to visit for about 2 weeks. It was great to spend some more time with him, as we haven't seen him since he left so suddenly 3 1/2 months ago. Here are some pictures from last February when he left:






Even with only a few hours of notice, we still had a chance to give the banana suit a final outing on the Korzo!









Andy with Dario and his dog, Magi (pronounced 'moggy') who also joined us for the impromptu festivities.











A classic John and Andy. Little did we know, John would be skipping town too just a few weeks later.









This dysfunctional, less-than-attractive, oddly composed photo captures the mood of that night fairly accurately.

Musicality

Waaaay back in February we a) went to a Guns N' Roses tribute concert with Sunny's friend Jenna who came to visit and b) discovered a cool weekly jazz night at a nearby café. We attended pretty regularly for a while, but haven't gone to see them recently. Even so, we seem to keep running into the musicians in unexpected places like a friend's recital, a prayer and worship night on a visiting missionary ship, the movie theater, and, tonight, with a random orchestra doing some sort of cultural performance in an alley/courtyard behind the Korzo.

One Sentence

True stories, told in one sentence. Read here.

Educational Public Service Announcement

I'm not a man so this didn't revolutionize my world, but I still thought it might be useful to some of you out there:


VideoJug: How To Give A Great Man To Man Hug

Stranger in the Night

So tonight we went running again. At about 11pm at that one soccer field up the hill. It was gently raining and too warm and muggy, but we haven't gone in, oh, I don't know, forever. And it is time to get back on that wagon.

Anyway, we were spread out, running around, when I passed a weird little stump-like thing on the track. It was pretty dark, and it kind of looked like it could have been an animal, but it didn't move at all when I ran by about 1 ft. away, so I figured it couldn't be. After another 1/2 lap, Allison waved me over because she and Sunny had discovered that it was a HEDGEHOG.

We hassled the poor creature with the lighted screens of our mp3 players, trying to get a closer look and cursing ourselves for not bringing cameras. Eventually it awkwardly scurried away. I'm not sure if it was a pet or what, it was definitely fat, though. My brother had a pet hedgehog for a while, named Louie, and he was a lot smaller than this guy. And in case you have ever wondered, watching a hedgehog climb stairs is no ordinary experience, let me tell you.

Best Day Ever!

A couple of Saturdays ago a group of us spent the day at a children's home not too far from Rijeka. We had an amazing time hanging out with the kids and tie-dyeing some t-shirts, playing soccer and frisbee, eating ice cream, and swimming. At the end of the day I think we made a pretty much unanimous decision to return as soon as possible.








Igor was popular.














Here's everyone working hard...




















...and playing hard.





This could be trouble...










This little guy had limited mobility but we played a very respectable and long-running game of Keep-The-Latex-Glove-Balloon-Up-In-The-Air-For-As-Long-As-Possible-Without-Letting-It-Hit-The-Ground. And I got to sign his cast.





















Off to the pool!



















Igor was very popular.



































It was incredibly warm that day, and, well, the sea was refreshing.

The Internet = Good or Bad? You choose…

Real-life things I have looked up:

• How to tie-dye clothing
• The Croatian word for ‘goiter’
• James Hetfield
• Statistics on foreign drugs imported to the Netherlands
• Bird clip art
• Infanta
• How to shotgun a beer
• Homeless World Cup
• The plot of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (this was after viewing the film)
• Oxycodone and its uses
• The definition of teetotaler
• The Legend of Zelda FAQ
• Whiffle bat
• The ins and outs of correct apostrophe usage
• Brain

Redemption Song or Kutless Is My New Favorite

Osijek: Final Installment

As the sun rose Sunday morning, we collapsed into bed. While falling asleep, I remember trying to make sense of some of the more minor interactions we had as the night turned to morning. It had been requested that the kitchen prepare boiling water and cups for everyone at departure time, and in reality only one person actually drank any. Someone else was annoyed that the pre-packed lunches we sent them off with contained apples, not bananas – I guess we scored some points with bananas that first afternoon on the bus. I think my favorite moment was when a disgruntled traveler emerged from the elevator and headed towards the door. Looking for all the world like an oversized toddler unwillingly roused from a nap, he paused before he reached the automatic sliding glass doors. He started again, but the open doors had started to close in on him. He stepped back and directed the EVILEST look of disgust at the door (which, if I may remind you, is an inanimate object) before plodding out to the waiting bus. It really was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

So, anyway, we slept for quite a while. Too long, actually, since checkout was supposed to be at 12:00. We talked with the cleaning lady and she kindly waited to do our room last so we could pack up and get out. After some lunch and coffee we got a ride to the festival once again, where we had little to do for most of the afternoon. In the evening we got to hang out with the wife of one of Kutless’ band members and help out a little at their merchandise table. They are from Portland, and also spend time in Seattle pretty regularly, so it was great to hang out with someone from close to home. Plus, she was just amazingly kind, genuine, wise, and honest in general. Hearing her talk about the band’s philosophy and goals, as well as her own, was incredibly refreshing. Their attitudes and actions in the face of several tricky/frustrating situations at the festival were very gracious and humble. In short, our time with her was tremendously encouraging.

We were lucky enough to be able to sort-of-sleep during the drive home, which miraculously only took about 4.5 hours. Then we had a few hours at home in our beds before a day of summer project briefing on Monday. It was definitely a whirlwind of a weekend, but we had a good time and learned a whole lot in the process. I enjoyed the change of pace, and the way that being thrust into a completely new environment gave me a different perspective on life and values and human beings and the way we behave. It shook me up a little and broke down some of my assumptions, but ultimately reinforced my core beliefs, passions, and desires in a new way, which was kind of cool.

Till The Morning Comes

Osijek, continued...



The evening was fun and relatively uneventful. We got to watch most of the sets and play with some of our favorite kiddos.







This is one of our friends who is going to CM2007 with us!




















Around 1:30 or 2:00am we rounded up all but the last performers and rode back to the hotel. After we got there we rested a little and searched for anything decent to watch on TV (Bridget Jones' Diary dubbed in German, for instance, didn't make the cut). Then we met various groups that were departing for the airport at 3:30 and 4:30 to make sure checkout went smoothly and take care of some last minute details.

By 5:15, our beds were a very welcome sight.