01 March, 2006

The truth.

I feel like such a baby- immature and weak. I wish that I were stronger. I wish that I were braver. I wish that I didn’t just want to go home, see my mom, eat cookies, and watch TV. But maybe this is part of learning perseverance and endurance. Maybe not giving in to all those wants, even though they I can’t make them go away, is part of being brave. Maybe learning to let go of my raging selfishness and insecurity is part of persevering. And maybe getting up in the morning and taking a shower and doing dishes and meeting with students is part of learning how to endure. Discovering how un-tough I really am and how quickly I want to give up is humbling, and a little disappointing.

Man, that all sounds so depressing. I'm sorry. Next time I post I will shoot for less drama and more wit- no promises, though.


father wb said...

A great message for Ash Wednesday! We've got to empty our hearts to make room for the grace of God. Everybody has got to go through that process. As in Joel 2: Turn ye even to me, says the Lord, with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: and rend your heart... and turn unto the lord your god: for he is gracious and merciful."

And like our Lord himself said in Matthew 6: pray in secret... fast unto thy Father which is in secret... lay up treasures in heaven... for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

The process of mortification is all about getting rid of the treasures that are corrupted by moth and rust and making room for God's grace, the treasure of heaven.

Many blessings and peace in Christ!

Anonymous said...

the truth.
His power is made perfect in our weaknesses.
i am praying for you, Alexis!

kerr said...

Hey La-la- first off, please don't write like that it makes me sad and miss you more than I already do. On a brighter note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you and the Croats have a wonderful celebration ahead of you. I hope you had a great sleep- I'll call you in the morning!!! Love you sissy

mom said...

I wish you were here eating cookies,all of us snuggled under covers watching a movie and being ridiculous,too. But , alas, you are diligently and faithfully, following your path, and "we like sheep" are waiting for you to come home. (snicker.."we like sheep" snicker)